Saturday, September 27, 2008

And so I'm eating a big plate of spaghetti

I've recently come to terms with the fact that romantic relationships are not my fate. I've never been in a happy, loving, genuine relationship. My marriage was loveless and miserable and I have not had a serious pairing since my divorce. Long-term just isn't in the cards for me.


However, I enjoy being the object of attention once in a while. I don't know how I know this because it just doesn't happen. Take today for example...........I had to run errands and I was feeling unusually good about myself. When I left my apartment I had a spring in my step and a gleam in my eye. Today of all days I was gonna catch someone's attention, dammit! With confidence I went to the mall, the bank, and the grocery store.

Not ONE head turned! No "hi" from anyone. Not even a smile.

I haven't been on a date in ages because I'm just never asked. No one asks for my number (unless you count the creepy druggie at the bus stop). No one says they would like to get to know me.

It's worse when I go out with friends. My friends are all gorgeous. I'm the token ugly, fat friend that tags along to make them feel even better. They dance and flirt and get drinks bought for them. I sit back and try not to look bitter and extremely unhappy.

I'm so done. Why even try?

So, I'm eating a big plate of spaghetti. Fuck it! Not like I have to try and look decent for anyone.

1 comment:

Mandy H. and Bridget C, said...

You and I both know that most of this is nothing but a reaction to the a low point that we all struggle with now and again. I, personally, know that you can and will be the object of someone's attention as you have been so many times before. You are a strong, intelligent, beautiful woman and you have absolutely everything going for you in life. You will get through this and, once again, be feeling like you are at the top of your game. I love you dearly and know that there is so much left in the 2/3 of your life yet to live that is awesome, amazing m and fulfilling. Hang in there!